So yesterday I was hanging out at UW with one of the best bariatric surgeons ever. Ever ever. If you’ve read my weight loss surgery blog or even the the original version then you pretty much know I’ve been through a few things. Again we have problems. But this time, the solution is neither easy or nice.

To be honest, I don’t like being in bariatric clinics anymore and I don’t even like sitting in support group meetings. The thing with clinics is that I see people just like me long ago, knowing that they’re on a path to self destruction and they’re seeking an option that yes, albeit scary, could potentially lead them to an improved life and health. It’s almost like standing on the edge of a cliff and teetering back and forth, wondering if there’s really hope for you.

As for support group meetings, I dislike them because you have people seeking surgery and wanting to hear your spin on how you fared. I’m usually shut right up or disregarded because I’m further out than most in the room. My opinion does not count to most. Because I’ve had major complications since ten years ago, bonus points to me for not having an opinion that either matters or should be heard. The last meeting I attended, one gentleman who was approximately two years out and should have KNOWN what I was going to say because his wife was working with me on nerve damage issues from repeated surgeries disputed everything I had to say. Um, dude, you’re two years post op. Come talk to me again about seven years later and tell me how you’re having a marvelous life then. Until that moment, shut the hell up. I walked out and I told the nutritionist who was in charge of this mess that her logic was flawed. She needed to be in attendance and she needed to preach to accountability and responsibility post operatively. And if I hear one more pre-op raise their hand and say “So after surgery, I can still eat anything I want and not gain a pound?” I’m going to have to haul out with a kick to the head. I’ll admit right here right now that yes, sometimes I eat sugar. I do it, although never recommended, because I have hypoglycemia. I also am quite anemic and the sugar warms me up and yes, if I eat too much, I get that nausea/head spinning/cujo frothing/feel like you wanna die and just get it over with “dumping syndrome”. Believe me, I’ve put that “dumping syndrome” into a succinct nice version when I say that.

Oh yea, crap, get to what the surgeon said already. He knows my history and he’s looking at my last CT scan and showing me. It’s always interesting to look at your own internal system after a few surgeons have modified it, some simply to ensure you’re still among the living. Everything you’ve learned in a health class goes out the window, because you literally see that you’re different than what books or diagrams show you in those classes.

At this point, I have yet another huge incisional hernia. I know, same song and dance as I’ve had since 2001 when I had my original open proximal RNY done. Here’s the difference on that. Before now, it was all fixable, it was all something that a surgeon could resolve. This time, much different. I think the most painful part of yesterday is having this renowned surgeon look me in the eye and with the slightest glimmer of perhaps tears, tell me, “Johanna, it’s inoperable. Even a revision to your original RNY which is, as we all know, fouled up, would kill you. You cannot have surgery and this is NOT fixable.”

No, this really has not quite sunk in yet. Sure, I have the paperwork that says “inoperable incisional hernia” sitting right close to me and I stare at it and my mind goes blank. What can you say? Okay, you can say, and as same surgeon pointed out to me yesterday, you know Johanna, you’ve surpassed any expectations any of your surgeons have had for you, myself included. You’ve had a rough ride and you somehow defied all that which said you weren’t going to win. And I hope you keep that in mind every day you wake up.

Still interested in hearing about weight loss surgery and my weigh in on it? I’m going to write to some ideas/thoughts/suggestions on my weight loss surgery hell blog over yonder. In doing so, I hope that I can educate or at least inform you about how my experiences have changed me literally, forever. I only pray that you learn or gain some perspective from it that makes you think twice about your own health and how to keep it and cherish it dearly like a favorite teddy bear or blanket.

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Tags: bariatric surgery, hello dolly wp plugin, hernia repair, open RNY gastric bypass surgery, weight loss surgery

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010 at 10:38:13 and is filed under daily dribble. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.