Note that I warned you upfront that this post is going to include profanity. I usually don’t like using profanity to make a point in what I write and yes, there’s a long winded story behind that as well. However, I’m going to break with tradition here and let it fly. Why not? It’s the holidays and let’s get it ON.

This morning, I was at Fred Meyer, barely half awake getting a coffeemaker and a new espresso machine. I confess, I was there with all you crazy holiday shoppers. Forget that, we’re talking Port Orchard Fred Meyer and they’re busy all the time. Especially Saturday mornings.

It takes me about ten minutes to find a spot, I’m hiking it from the backlot of frozen SK tundra to the store, but no worries. I’m in, I’m out and we’re good. Not quite.

Recently in lieu of the nice COLD snap we’ve been having, Fred Meyer has allowed the Salvation Army kettle people with the bells to actually stay inside in the cart area. I applaud Fred Meyer for this, because hey, it’s COLD. I walk in this morning and sure enough, a woman is harassing the heck out of the kettle person for being inside the store and she finds it offensive. Yes, she was actually offended that kettle person was inside instead of outside. I wanted to tell her off and totally defend Fred Meyer/Salvation Army, but I let it go because again, I wanted to be in and out and done.

Oh but who should show up in my midst next but Mom herself. Yes, my mom has like this insane schedule and I can tell you where she’s going to be on certain days. It’s like clockwork. Saturday morning, she or I or both of us are at Fred Meyer in Port Orchard. I walk around with Mom and we talk about the weather and my trashy mouth and Tiger Woods. She’s tired of hearing about Tiger Woods, y’all. Truth be told, so am I. Regardless, we get through the line, we’re out to her car, I get her into her car (she’s disabled but hoofed it from/to the backlot of FM as well), unpack hers/my things into her car and am fixin to return the cart to the cart corral thingie. I’m nice like that for the most part.

As I’m walking back, being careful to not hit any black ice because if I fall, I’m in a BAD medical way…I’m already in a bad medical way because I have extreme pain and I’m cold and bla bla…an inconvenienced grouchy motorist informs me that I have a fat ass and that I need to “hurry it up” because he’s cold. And what do I have to say to this?

I let it fly. I not only tell him to “fuck off and die” but I inform him that he needs an attitude adjustment immediately. I know, it wasn’t nice and it was the lower road and it’s the holiday season. Again, I state I’m usually a nice girl. But you DO NOT make disparaging comments about my ass or lack thereof and tell me how cold you are in your nice warm car while I’m trying to get back across an icy parking lot in the COLD.

I’m waiting for my “JOHANNA WHAT DID I JUST HEAR COME OUTTA YOUR MOUTH” speech from Mom, but instead she asks me what transpired to make me say something the way I did. I told her and she applauded me. I’m rather thankful she didn’t whip out a bar of Ivory soap and make me eat it right there, but who cares about any of that?

I’ll tell you what I do care about. I care about living in a town that earlier this summer celebrated and welcomed the world to the hometown of one Debbie Macomber, romance novelist and somehow, it’s winter and some jackass wants to be rude. No, make that a few jackasses. If you’re not happy living here, dislike the weather or whatever else, um, move then. However, being disparaging, discouraging and downright disrespectful to someone you’re basing solely on appearance is uncalled for.

Now I know that I myself have done this before, so before you start crying foul, rest assured I know I sound hypocritical here. None of us are perfect beings and if we were, the world would be incredibly boring. However, I’m going to let you in on a little secret here. What I have learned in doing the same sort of action is that I potentially could have been missing out on some incredible people with fascinating stories, ideas and thoughts to share. I kid you not.

One time, I was running late to a meeting that I knew I needed to make an appearance for. Crap. I look like crap and I’m wearing Super Mario pajama bottoms. Oh well, at least I’m there and I’m making a presence. I walk in and some people roll their eyes in horror and disgust over my disheveled appearance. Good, I’ve got their attention for “worst possibly dressed”. Bad, they’ve already made the assumption that I just don’t care about myself and I’m just trash and I have no valid opinion on anything. I make this point often to those who need to hear it, that if I really wanted to make a more powerful presence and be respected and heard and counted, I could pick up a fashion book and read and heed.

Final thought: Practice random acts of kindness. Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. And don’t be kinder for certain holidays. Do it 365 days a year because those random acts of kindness surely go far in brightening the lives of others around you. Happy holidays y’all!

Popularity: 9% [?]

When I was little, the Fathoms of Fun festival in Port Orchard was the big summer event to look forward to. Oh yes, parade, rides, meet your friends downtown, have a great time, rah rah. Okay, so actually I called it “Fathoms of Scum” (because growing up in Port Orchard, I had this blatant dislike of my own hometown, I’m over it now, but this is how it was for me) and yes, I did go downtown for the rides, but the last one I actually rode was “The Octopus” with my mother and it made her vertigo go nuts and by the time we were done I wanted to throw up for some reason. It might have been something to do with the ton of cotton candy I had ingested previous to said event. Who knows? (more…)

Popularity: unranked [?]

Just this last weekend, I was hanging out at a local motel, situated within the confines of Port Orchard. No, I was not doing anything of an illegal or illicit nature, thank you very much, but I was there talking to the hotel desk clerk. I asked him what the local “city” tax rate structure was. He told me that he thought it was a combination of city/state which was somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 or so percent and that it went to funding some visitor center in Port Orchard. Oh yea? It does? (more…)

Popularity: unranked [?]